I have always had an unhealthy attachment to nouns. That does sound silly when I say it out loud, but there is an explanation. I don’t have an unhealthy attachment to ‘nouns’ per se, but I latch onto objects, people, places, or ideas. I hoard things for years after I should, latch onto people who didn’t care about me, have given loyalty to places that didn’t deserve it, and believed in things out of blind devotion. I am not alone in my uncanny attachment. Being attached to nouns is a psychological concept that refers to the tendency of an individual to form emotional connections and dependencies on particular objects, people, places, or ideas. This attachment can come from anxiety, sentimental value, or a sense of comfort, but does this attachment come at a cost when the attachment does not benefit us?

An unhealthy attachment to objects can psychologically affect a person’s mental well-being. When someone becomes too attached to material possessions, they may feel anxious or distressed if they even think about getting rid of that possession (in some severe cases, simply leaving them). This attachment can lead to hoarding behaviors, where a person compulsively collects and keeps things even when they are no longer needed. Hoarding of these objects can impact the person’s relationships and social life. The thought of losing the possessions we hoard or keep can psychologically affect us. I admittingly come from a long line of hoarding on my maternal and paternal side. Whether that hoarding comes from overcoming hardships or sentimental value, the ‘stuff’ is still there, causing physical and mental strife. Getting rid of things is mentally exhausting when you have that attachment. The attachment could be something as small as a shirt you got on a trip with your family that is just hanging in your closet, never to be worn again, or as big as the not-running car you have in your backyard that you ‘just aren’t ready to get rid of.’

Most of the time, material possessions link to some sentiment in our memory, while attaching yourself to people seems like it could be a lot simpler. Psychologically speaking, we attach ourselves to people because, at the heart of it all, we are social beings who inherently seek connection and companionship. This attachment provides us with a sense of belonging and much-needed support. While we are searching for this sense of belonging, this unhealthy attachment to a person or people can result in controlling behaviors, jealousy, and an all-around difficulty establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship. In my youth, I longed for connections and companionship. The feeling of loneliness and depression was emotionally exhausting. I longed for friends and romantic relationships so much that when I formed any bond, I ruined most of them with my behavior. I would change aspects of myself to do what it took to fit in. Years later, I realized that many of the relationships were not legitimate and the bonds were formed to try and keep that sense of belonging that I always longed for.

Despite the hurt that I experienced in my past, I am grateful for the experience. Time has helped me realize that I am similar to Doc Holliday from the movie Tombstone. After the events of the shootout at the OK Corral, the infamous gambler, gunfighter, and close friend to lawman Wyatt Earp assisted Wyatt in his Vendetta Ride to rid the West of the outlaw Cowboys. After another shootout with the Cowboys occurs, Doc is asked by one of the other men in the federal posse why he was out there in the condition that he was in. Despite battling tuberculosis, Doc said he was out there because Wyatt was his friend; Jack Johnson scoffed and said he ‘had tons of friends.’ Doc retorted back to say that he didn’t. Despite not having any skin in the fight, Doc understood (and what I have come to as well) the value of true friends. Despite not seeing them all the time, you know that they have your back, and you have theirs. A true friendship is worth more than an infinite number of acquaintances. These unhealthy attachments have us trying to be everybody’s everything, but you become nobody’s nothing. That’s why these friendships and relationships feel so empty. But those empty relationships make you value the relationships and companionship that you have now. In other words, I am grateful for my few REAL friendships and my loving wife.

My attachment to places is more than likely attributed to comfort. Psychologically speaking, we attach ourselves to locations because they hold significant memories or emotional significance for us. The places provide us with a sense of comfort and safety. This attachment could be a church you continue going to even though you don’t feel comfortable there anymore. Or maybe it’s a job you don’t want to leave because you are comfortable with the familiarity. The real question is, does devoting yourself to a place have value, or does it hinder growth?

We attach ourselves to ideas because these ideas shape our beliefs, values, and identity. These ideas provide a sense of purpose, meaning, and direction in our lives. Sometimes, these attachments become rigid and dogmatic. No matter why you have these ideas, they can lead to close-mindedness, resistance to change, and conflict with those with different beliefs. Expounding on our ideas and being open to change allows for spiritual, personal, and intellectual growth. Exploring new perspectives, learning about why you feel or believe a certain way, and being open to new ideas allows us to expand our understanding of the world and ourselves. Being close-minded limits our ability to grow and can lead to stagnation. We can miss out on developing spiritually, personally, and intellectually.

These unhealthy attachments that we make can have detrimental effects on our mental health and well-being. It is important to remember that what we possess or the relationships that we maintain do not define our worth. Our individual strengths, values, and unique contributions to the world are the things that show worth. By letting go of the unhealthy attachments that we have made, we create space for growth, resilience, and a sense of inner peace.

Images:

Featured Image: A hoarded house, with the hoard spilling out onto the lawn by Downtowngal – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=105105064

An abandoned vintage International Harvester truck by Bluesnap – https://pixabay.com/en/car-wreck-old-rusty-car-vintage-3183452/ archive copy at the Wayback Machine, CC0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=68363363

1881 Wyatt Earp wanted poster accredited to nineteenth-century poster – found in Grandfather’s trove., Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=114860481

Photo of our workshop by Thanough – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=106604916